Belly of the Whale
by Mickienotthemouse
Summary: Alucard helps Seras reconcile the ghosts of her past. /There's a second part to this that's more action-based, but I'm not sure if I'll post it. I'll see what you guys think.


**This is set right after the brawl with Anderson in OVA 1, so only the second day Seras has been at Hellsing. As such, she and Alucard are still getting used to each other. Just a short snippet. Hopefully you all enjoy~**

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Alucard awoke from sleep at the sound of a harrowing scream. It took a moment to register that it was not a physical noise but a disembodied emotional racket permeating from someone deeply distressed somewhere in the mansion. He growled in irritation. T_he Police Girl is broadcasting her thoughts again._ She had only been here for two days, and he was still adjusting to her presence. He considered reaching across their psychic bond and giving her a good mental slap across the knuckles for waking him at such an ungodly hour of day, but thought better of it. When one brings home a pet kitten, one is expected to care for it- as Integra smugly reminded him when he expressed exasperation towards his fledgling. Clearly she did not think he was capable of handling a pupil, and he took that as a direct challenge. But despite his determination to prove his Master wrong, it was not without a great deal of annoyance that he lifted the top off his coffin and phantomed through the walls towards the Police Girl's room.

He found her in a heap next to her coffin, face buried in a pillow; her shoulders shook lightly. With the removal of her bed, it seemed she'd rather sleep on the floor than in her coffin. Stubborn girl. What was more, she had not changed out of her uniform. It was still bloody from their skirmish with Anderson the night before, he noted with dismay, but with the waves of sadness and confusion radiating from her, he suspected this was hardly the time for a lecture on personal grooming.

"What is the matter, Police Girl?"

She jumped at the sound of his booming voice and she quickly tried to mask her tears, looking extremely embarrassed. "It's nothing, Master," she murmured.

Alucard crossed his arms. "I heard you screaming, Young One. It is hardly nothing."

A very humiliated pair of blue eyes met his, "You heard me?"

He nodded, "Until you drink my blood, we will be connected telepathically."

This piece of news did not seem to sit well with Seras as she shifted uncomfortably and gripped her pillow tighter. "So you've been reading my mind this whole time?"

He closed his eyes- Chaos, give him patience. "Police Girl, I certainly do not spend my every waking moment inside the inane goings-on of that silly blonde head of yours." He did _not_ come all the way down the hall at high noon on a Saturday to argue matters of privacy among telepaths. "Your emotions are so loud, they are nearly impossible to ignore. Now tell me what is wrong."

Seras bit her lower lip and looked away shamefully. Not even twelve hours had passed since her Master had called her an idiot for not drinking his blood to ward off Anderson. His admonishments still stung and she was loathed to disappoint him further.

"I'm waiting, Police Girl."

The dark impatience in his voice refused to be defied further. "It was just a nightmare."

"Vampires do not have nightmares," he chastised, and she winced. Ah, there was something there. "You do not like it when I call you that," he observed. She fidgeted nervously, avoiding his eyes. Although she secretly adored him, Seras was still terribly afraid of her Master. "Come now. Speak up, Police Girl."

She squeaked, "It just seems so wrong."

"You mean drinking the blood?"

"Everything! The whole bloody mess of it!" She exclaimed, burying her face into her pillow and desperately wishing she could just phase through the floor like her Master. When she spoke next Alucard had to strain to decipher her muffled tones. "Ihdfon heel lke i bhleong hng"

_I don't feel like I belong here._

"Nonsense," he scoffed. "If I thought you were unworthy of this place I would have never turned you." She stilled and looked very much like she wanted him to elaborate, but was too shy to ask.

"But being worthy of this life...does that make me evil?" She asked after a moment, lifting her face to him once more. There was desperation in her eyes. "I felt evil today. When I ripped apart those ghouls."

"You enjoyed it," he smirked, remembering the look of glee on her face.

She swallowed hard. "I did. And I didn't feel sorry at the time, but then Anderson...well, you know, he hunts things like me- us. He skewered me with those bayonets, but it wasn't until he trapped me inside that house with his spell that it hit me that I had changed into something inhuman and unholy. Anderson- he called me a monster."

_And there it was._

"And who else has called you a monster?" Alucard asked, head cocked curiously despite knowing the answer full well. He just wanted to hear it from her mouth.

She shrugged, "Kids from the orphanage, teachers," her eyes grew misty as if remembering something from the distant past. "I wasn't the easiest child to handle when I younger. But I was determined to prove them wrong, you see. That's why I became a Police Officer." _And look where that got you._ Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the steps she had taken trying to escape evil lead her straight into it's icy embrace. Perhaps she had always been destined to be a monster.

"I feel guilty for not feeling guilty," She curled in on herself tighter. "About what happened today."

Silence passed between them for many long moments as Alucard called upon his oft-forgotten skills of diplomacy to compose his next sentences. As a creature who prided himself on being a most despicable fiend and who joyed in the notion of a good killing spree, he was having trouble relating to a fellow vampire who did not share these same sentiments. His initial desire was to tell her to stop being an idiot and get fucking used to the idea, but he did not foresee that going over too well and consoling hysterical women was not his strong point. She was an altogether different creature than he was, and _he'd_ better get fucking used to _that_ idea and speak in terms she was likely to understand. After all, she was his responsibility until she decided to drink his blood.

After he was sure he knew the perfect thing to say, "Would you ever expect a lion to stop killing antelope and resort to eating grass?"

She just stared at him, so he continued, "You cannot blame a lion for killing antelope; it's imperative to their survival as physiologically they cannot eat grass. Now, do you call that monstrous? Lions, jaguars, birds of prey- would you say they are monsters?"

Several contemplative moments passed before Seras could answer, "Of course not. But this is different. We - I, am _literally_ a text book monster that by laws of logic should not even exist. How am I-"

"There is no difference. All predators must do what it is in their natures to do, " Alucard cut her off. "You think if God did not want us around he would suffer us to live?" He could not remember the last time he spoke on the subject of God. Certainly it had been a decade at least, mostly because there was not much to discuss. As far as he was concerned, God was simple to understand: God was all- powerful, had a twisted sense of humor, and was positively bored. A wretched combination that Alucard himself was all-too acquainted with. "You are a predator like any other." He angled his head and grinned wryly, winding up to deliver a final blow. "And acting on your instincts does not make you like the men who butchered your family."

_Hook, line, and sinker._

Her big blue eyes instantly filled with tears and without any preamble she began to sob. Unprepared for the water works, Alucard could not remember a time he had ever felt so inept, so awkward. Beneath the discomfort, however, was a degree of satisfaction. Two nights ago, though she might not be aware of it, when he bit into her neck and drank from her he absorbed her very essence. Every memory, every emotion, every dirty little secret lay bare before him and now there was precious little he did not know about his fledgling, which made her more vulnerable than she was even remotely aware of.

The murder of her parents made something snap inside her. She never went to proper counseling for it and never found a stable home, causing her psychological wounds to fester. Bullies were common at the orphanage and, as she indicated, like a wounded animal she often lashed out with violence and her teachers scorned her. Traumatic exposure to death, isolation, and no one to love her. What she was left with was the the perfect soil for an insistent paranoia to sprout. That she was inherently different from other people. Something must be wrong with her. And soon a fear developed that was so paralyzing she couldn't even talk about it: that she would one day be like those men she saw raping her mother's corpse.

Irrational though that fear may be, Alucard knew it was not uncommon for victims to be afraid they'd become like the people who abused them. Now that she was a vampire, in her eyes, her greatest fear had been realized and it was shattering.

"What have I done?" She wept. "What have I done?"

Not knowing exactly what she was referring to, He knelt before her and placed a gloved hand on top of her head, highly doubting it would do much good. His presence didn't exactly make a cloudy day cheerful. But as soon as his hand made contact, she threw her arms around him and buried her face into the lapels of his coat. "What have I done?" She repeated. "What a terrible decision I've made. What an awful, wretched demon I've become."

Momentarily stunned, Alucard stiffened as he felt her shake against him. After several moments he relaxed and allowed his arms to wrap around her shoulders with something approximating tenderness. His chin rested on top of her head. "That's enough of that." He growled. If only his worst enemies could see him now, he thought wryly. They'd say he'd gone soft. Although the Police Girl did seem to have that curious effect on people, he mused. Indeed, her presence shone brightly in this endless night.

They stayed like that for a very long time until finally she grew limp in his embrace and her racking sobs died down to sniffles. He drew away from her, "You are one of the purest creatures I have ever encountered. With the kindest heart."

She gazed up at him tearfully, "But how do you know? So many things are different now, what if I become bad?"

Well, with any luck she would if Alucard had it his way, but he could hardly say as much now. "You won't. No matter how many ghouls you tear to shreds or vampires you slay, at your core you will always be very good." A little white lie never hurt anyone, especially if it meant he could end this exhausting conversation and get back to sleep.

Her face flushed an appealing shade of red, "I hope you're right, Master."

Though he couldn't speak for the future, as of right now his fledgling had nothing but the best intentions and it left him feeling equally impressed and like he wanted to gag. Such qualities did not befit a vampire and he hoped dearly that with time she would grow out of them, but he had forever been impressed with the notion of innocence and purity. To see it juxtaposed with the shadow of her vampiric nature created a most captivating oxymoron.

He stood and extended a hand for her to grasp. She hesitated before taking it and he hauled her to her feet.

"I always am. Now, Get some rest, Police Girl," he said turning on his heels. "In your coffin. It's there for a reason. No more of this sleeping on the ground nonsense."

"Yes Sir," She muttered, eying the offensive deathbed with disdain before finally climbing inside, though her body refused to relax.

"You'll learn to like it," he assured her, noting her discomfort before he phased through the wall.

Seras gazed thoughtfully at where he disappeared. "Good night Master," she whispered before adding awkwardly, "And...uh, thank you."

_"Sleep well,_" came his disembodied reply. "_Seras Victoria."_

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